This section is intended to help you have a great sex life – and a safe one.
It's important to remember that sex carries with it some real dangers, notably:
unwanted pregnancy
sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
occasionally, cancer
sometimes, severe emotional distress.
On the other hand, sex brings enormous satisfaction: comfort and happiness to millions of people.
So, we want you to be able to enjoy its benefits, whether you're 18 or 80.
But whatever your age group, we'd like to stress to you that the key to a safe and rewarding sexual relationship with another person is communication.
For centuries, people haven't communicated about sex, especially in Britain! They just 'did it', and hoped for the best.
Very often, things went wrong and one or other partner ended up feeling frustrated and bitter. These days, things are rapidly changing. It's now possible to communicate quite frankly with your partner about sexual matters – so it's easy to work together to make everything more fulfilling, and safer too.
We'll try and show you how you can communicate, and keep yourself safe, throughout the various age groups of your life.
In your teenage years
The teenage years are not an easy time – especially if you don't know much about sex.
Many people, both male and female, feel highly sexed at this time. In particular, males are likely to feel a desperate need to have climaxes.
Among teenage boys, the average number of orgasms per week is higher in this age group, than it is at any other period of life.
Masturbation
For a lot of teenagers, the answer to this burgeoning desire is to masturbate.
This is particularly so in boys, most of whom masturbate a great deal during the teen years.
The important thing to realise is that this is perfectly normal. We can assure you that if you consult medical textbooks, you'll find that – contrary to what many young people imagine – there's no disease or health problem that can be caused by masturbation.
It's a totally harmless activity that relieves frustration and helps you relax and sleep well.
Most importantly, masturbation is virtually the only form of sexual activity that can't give you a sexually transmitted infection!
Also, it can't make anyone pregnant. So, it's a safe form of sex.
Orientation
During the mid-teenage years, the subject of sexual orientation begins to rear its head.
In other words:
are you 'straight' (heterosexual)?
are you gay?
are you bisexual?
Our advice to you on this topic is simple. Don't let anyone 'railroad' you into any decisions. Your parents, and other adults, will almost invariably expect you to be 'straight'. But that might not be the right solution for you.
So, if you have any uncertainties about your orientation, talk to your friends about it, provided you feel that they will respect your confidence.
Don't hesitate to go and consult experienced advisors, like those at the Brook Advisory Service for Young People.
If necessary, seek information from gay, lesbian and transgender organisations – such as the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard on 020 7837 7324.
Above all, take your time, and don't be rushed. Many people don't decide on their sexual orientation until they're well past 20.
Virginity
At some time in your teens, you're probably going to feel that you should make a decision about losing your virginity.
In the UK, at present the average age for first having sex is about 18. But again, please don't be rushed into this – for instance, by 'peer pressure' (in other words, pressure from friends, classmates and others of your age).
There's nothing dreadful about deciding to postpone sexual intercourse for a while!
By putting it off, you achieve the following:
you protect yourself against STIs
you avoid any risk of pregnancy
if you're a girl, you reduce the risk of getting cancer of the cervix.
So, before you decide to embark on your first sexual relationship, think things over and obtain as much information as you can about the benefits and the dangers of sex.
Please remember that it's well known that teenagers who are poorly educated about sexual matters are more likely to have unwanted pregnancies!
Very importantly, when you first meet someone that you really want to have sex with – do talk over the possibilities with them. Discuss whether you should postpone intercourse for a while.
Remember: there's a great deal of pretty harmless pleasure to be had from kissing and petting.
Incidentally, don't fall into the common trap of deciding to have your first sexual experience, whilst you're under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.
You shouldn't be making this vital decision, while your brain is effected with alcohol or drugs.
When you do decide to have sex for the first time, make sure that it's safe sex.
Remember two simple facts:
these days, there are many STIs around, particularly chlamydia
large numbers of teenage girls are still getting pregnant, despite the Government's attempts to reduce the teen pregnancy rate.
We strongly recommend that you and your partner agree to use condoms to begin with.
There's nothing wrong with the other methods of contraception, but they don't protect you against STIs.
In your 20s
As people move into their 20s, there's a strong tendency for people to start forming a relationship.
Occasionally, these relationships last a lifetime. But we have to be realistic and say that mostly they don't.
So, try not to be heartbroken if your relationship only goes on for a few months, or even a few weeks.
At the moment, that's how the world is. And don't expect sexual miracles. Both of you are likely to be 'feeling your way' – literally!
So, there may be difficulties in bed, with sex turning out to be not as brilliant as you'd hoped.
In particular:
the young woman may have difficulty in having an orgasm
she may find sex uncomfortable
the couple may well find it impossible to synchronise their climaxes
the young man may ejaculate far too soon
he may not be able to get a get a good enough erection to achieve satisfactory intercourse – or he may 'lose it' half way through.
The most important thing when trying to cope with all these difficulties is to talk about them.
Discuss your needs or frustrations with your partner.
And if necessary, seek help from really useful organisations like Family Planning Clinics or, if you're still under 25, the Brook Advisory Service.
Finally, a word of caution: during the early years of this century, 'one-night stands' have become almost routine for many people who are in their 20s.
This applies to females as well as males.
And although the idea of a one-night stand is superficially attractive, the fact is that it's madness.
If you do it a few times, you'll almost certainly catch chlamydia or something worse. And there's of course a high chance of an unwanted pregnancy, perhaps with no one knowing who the father is.
No wonder that sales of the morning-after pill (post-coital pill) are soaring
